It seems like yesterday that we brought home a tiny infant with simple needs, few demands and little in the way of personality. Or maybe I couldnt read the personality of my little son very well. 14 months down the lane and I still struggle with being a first time mom. I am just getting to know my sweet little boy, and I feel like there is so much to learn about him! His needs are not so simple anymore nor are his demands ignorable (something I am guilty of doing at times when his cries are soft and work calls)
Is it possible to love a child more every day? I do – my boy is the joy of my life, my sunshine. And I worry that I am not doing enough with him…does that make me a bad mother? I dont go to the park every day, nor do I read him bedtime stories! When he is an adult, will that make a difference? I hope not.
And with my tiny angel now growing up, I miss the warm snuggles of a newborn who didnt want to be in ten different places at once.
I am getting back to the person that used to exist before I was pregnant, but it is hard. Its hard to be enthusiastic about a hair iron when I could be looking at a play tunnel for my boy. That is so inexplicably matronly and boring!!
And yet, I delight in finding him new toys to play with.
My nanny gave notice today. It shocked me – and I have this weird feeling of something ending. Some freedom (?), the reliance that she will clean up if I leave the kitchen a mess 🙂
But it brought home to me stronger than anything else, that I need not feel jealous of V’s time and affection. The only constants in his life for the next few years will be his father and I (and/or any potential siblings)
Millions of women have felt this before, and millions will feel this after me, but I cant get over the joy, amazement and awe of motherhood! The joy of tiny arms around you, a sweet nuzzle and snuggle with a small person wanting comfort- could anything be more precious?